Today has been a day of mild mental suffering.
Not yet quite depression, but a negative force within me.
It pushes me to work.
I would do so anyways, but having smth worthwhile and important to focus on is welcome.
This way I at least get smth out of this day.
I’ve had enough days in my past of trying to avoid the suffering through media binging.
They never made me feel better; worse if anything bc then I’ve not just had a bad day but also lost a lot of time for nothing I actually care about.
If the year of depression brought me one thing, it is more comfort w both psychological and physical pain, for there has been enough of it to get used to the feelings.
To not flinch away quite as much anymore.
I still feel it now but the need to turn to media is low.
One day I might be good enough at reading my inner self and emotions, to diffuse and align things with ease as that I won’t have to suffer.
For now I might as well use it as fuel.