I applied to a job at ProVeg to assist their one person Ops team. For a student position it seemed about as good as it gets, with the only caveat being that the pay is barely above minimum wage and that they require me to be a student for the entire duration of the contract.

I told them, that I can’t guarantee a full year, as they were wanting to fill, but at least 9 months.

I got rejected. Barely, but in the end it doesn’t matter whether I lost the chance by a sliver or by miles.

I’m sad I’ve lost the chance; sad for having lost a future w a nice co-worker, working at the ProVeg office in Berlin once or twice a week, to help out and take part in the monthly Effective Animal Advocacy Meetups at ProVeg, to support their effective org, to potentially represent them at EAG(x)s, to gain experience in Ops, to have had a job that sounded really good to me, to have had a job at an org that is 20% above the avg on the PRIDE index which might’ve made some stuff easier, sad at a life w enough work hours to have more money than right now but also ample time for myself to take additional courses (e.g. bluedot) and deeply engage in my Exploration & Discovery Arc.
Whilst it felt bad to push off “adult life” for another year, I’ve not really had teenage years. I want to try things and grow. But this plan has not worked out, this future will not come to pass.

I’ve grieved this for some time. Maybe I should spend more time grieving it. But I will not despair. It’s a lost opportunity and I’m sad it’s gone. But there will be others and failing more often is something I need to do, something I need to get better at.

I will take some time to find more opportunities and apply to those. A future that is good is still possible, even if it won’t look like the one I’ve imagined increasingly well over the past few weeks.

The future will be bright; I will be the light bearer.