Lately, I’ve felt kinda stuck in a mode that I found quite dissatisfying to be in. My hope is that by analysing and shedding light on it, it’s easier to control and switch to a different mode.
This typology is not aiming to be exhaustive, but stemming from a need to understand this specific set.
Modes
The core modes, Drift and Current, are based primarily on how much Void Time there is whilst I’m on my own.
Modes in negative emotions get analysed afterwards, followed by the impact of my social environment.
Core
Drift Mode
The mode I’ve been stuck in.
I have too little that registers in my mind as todo’s, there is vastly more time available than I need for the things that are on my mind, so it’s easy to put them off (especially if I’m also tired).
Here I’m slow, not as motivated, I don’t really check my calendar nor am I as on top of things as I’d like to be, I forget things. I seek distractions, which amplify this to some extent.
At its extreme, I feel like energy is very low and time so plentiful that at most instances during the day, resting more and waiting for energy to arrive is the best (or at least most preferred) choice, bc doing things now is hard and given how much time is available regaining more energy is better/more important.
Current Mode
This is what was the default mode for the last few months and it was great.
I had enough to do that time didn’t feel endless, but became something to manage. This seems to switch me into a different mode of thinking and being, from which I gain energy.
I’m fast, productive, have ideas, energy and drive. I check my calendar and various other systems to be on top of things and have all the things loaded and available in my mind.
When I wake up, I already have todos and plans for the day in mind, so I just open my laptop and plug everything into intend.do and briefly cross-check w external systems.
At the extreme, I feel like time is my constraint, whilst energy is so plentiful that I wake up, immediately start doing things and then do so until evening until I’m approaching bed time when I relax a bit (partially as an obligation so that I have gotten rest) before going to sleep.
I don’t really have to force myself to do things, whilst some things are more wanted or desired as action items, they’re all overall fine.
In this mode, working from wherever I currently am is fine, I have no need to be in a coworking space or library; I can work from my desk or bed just fine. In this mode, distractions and pure procrastination1 are not appealing.
On the other hand, morning routines and what-not are also very unappealing since they become things that are just in my way of actually getting the work done I want to do. In this sense, morning routines detract from my productivity and create resistance, which at worst make me delay the start of my day.
Bad Weathers
Besides that framing, which assumes that I’m emotionally overall non-negative, there’s also modes for when I’m feeling emotionally bad but I’m still having some energy.
Leaden: Task Armor Mode
When there’s low-medium to medium pressure, i.e. there’s enough time as that I could put things off until later. But in this mode being productive feels like the best option: here, working on things is a coping strategy where I can focus my mind on other things than feeling bad, whilst also getting satisfaction from crossing off tasks, knowing that I won’t feel even worse at the EoD bc I’ve spent all day on distractions I don’t care about, and instead satisfying a self-image of being “good and productive”. That’s to say, these are external things I’m focusing on and not as much personal projects since desires are generally more muted in this mode.
Tempest: Siege Mode
Going further, if there’s high to extreme pressure, i.e. there’s not enough time to do all of the important things and sacrifices have to be made. I’ve kept this up for one semester and it had bad consequences for my mental health and psyche, as I pushed through feeling terrible every day of the week for many weeks-on-end w only very occasional and brief rests.
Whilst it was terrible-but-bearable, the consequences didn’t really show up until much later and I wasn’t under the extreme pressure anymore. This might have been one of my most productive times, but at a great cost and is not sustainable long term.
Doldrums: Inert Mode
On the other hand, if I feel bad and don’t really have outside pressure, then the natural coping mechanism becomes distraction. Whilst this is still hollow, it’s the next-best-feeling thing to do as desires are generally heavily muted and there’s little to no intrinsic motivation. For social things in particular, there is even anti-motivation in that spending time around others is anticipatorily aversive.
At the extreme, this state becomes quite sticky and there’s an active barrier to state-change. It’s not just that there are few desires and no real desire to feel better, but an aversion to do things that might make me feel better. Distraction is excluded from this in that it doesn’t really change the state or at least not drastically. It numbs but the underlying state-of-mind is still the same; whilst meeting with friends would either involve pity and getting-cared-for2 or force a state change, which are both undesired in that state.
Social Environments
Being around others complicates things quite a bit more.
On the one hand, starting the day w someone else makes it much harder to immediately go into task and work mode unless time is a strong constraint. My mind gets more taken up by social things, interactions are nice and want to happen; they add themselves into the local preference order and delay acting on other things. Additionally, if the other person doesn’t bring structure, it’s often hard for me to just unilaterally impose my own. Without an external reason, it feels too arbitrary to decide when to do what.
But it’s also wanting to see how day would unfold, what opportunities would come up, etc. This becomes very free-floaty, which can be nice on occasion but for the most part adds dissatisfaction.
On the other hand, social environments can also be very motivating, both directly3 and by virtue of being an event I look forward to4.
Void Time
Void Time
It denotes the time that is not just unscheduled but that goes beyond what is necessary for all the things that are mentally tracked as things I want to do or have to do.
It’s not quite like slack, in that this concept points at the burden that can come from being underconstrained and how a sense of infinite time (combined with insufficient drive) can make one very free-floaty and create dissatisfaction.
Link to original
ModeSwitch / How to Navigate
What should I take away from this?
If I’m already in the setting/environment where Current Mode gets facilitated, then maintaining the right balance is all that’s needed.
But whenever that’s not the case, then I could either get better at managing without or to have good means that facilitate switching to Current Mode.
Having some scaffolding in place that support and encourage Current Mode seems very valuable here. Whilst I don’t think that Drifting is inherently bad, I want my balance to be mostly Current and occasional Drifting; sort of as a time to rest and reflect a bit, but when it goes on for too long, then this starts feeling very bad.
Drift Mode
The easy way to solve this is to add things to do into my calendar: look for events I’m interested in, contact friends and arrange for calls, meeting up, shared activities.
Interestingly, even when I had a library just on the other side of a side-street of my home, I almost never went there bc in Current Mode it’s too much upfront cost to get to work, I wanna start now, not first have to prepare food, bring water, think about all the things I might need, etc. If I’m already in Current Mode, then forcing myself to go to the library or a co-working space is counter productive, but this might be a very useful tool in Drift Mode, as the place provides a social environment conducive to work, whilst the preparation for going there reduces the Void Time I have available, pushing me further into Current Mode.
Having some commitments in place, e.g. through beeminder, can in theory help, but often I don’t realize this until later in the day, when much of Void Time has already been used up. Perhaps a commitment contract for that day specifically would help, which I create e.g. in the morning and that binds part of my time to some activity and making it non-arbitrary when to work on it5.
The extreme version of Drift Mode is more tricky though: if I already have low energy, then it’s much harder to add things into my day, as just the anticipation of needing energy makes this unappealing and less likely to happen.
I’m less clear on what to do here, but I could imagine that the following might work: set aside some time that is dedicated to resting more; this at best both decreases Void Time and reduces fatigue. Another thing would be to schedule the most active enjoyable/fun thing that is permissible under the current energy levels, even if it’s just a casual call or remotely watching a movie with one other person together. This at best both decreases Void Time and provides smth nice to look forward to, which encourages being productive and doing things.
Starting with these two might be enough to bootstrap a session of brain dump and to-do list review, which in turn might decrease Void Time enough to get from Drift to Current Mode.
Void Time
There’s two sides from which this can be approached:
- add new things to my mental tracking, e.g. by looking for events, asking others whether I can help them, coming up with new projects or ideas
- re-add old things to my mental tracking, e.g. looking at to-do or project lists, looking at my calendar, doing a brain dump to surface things I’ve been thinking about6
Social Environments
Here, getting more comfortable w just making a plan and creating structure if the other person doesn’t do it, which can include time spent together, but with more intention. Also, leaving some parts blank is fine, just having some structure is likely already massively better than no structure, whilst still allowing for interesting surprises to emerge from the interactions.
Task Armor Mode
I think this is acceptable to have in the short term. Whilst it’s not a pleasant way to be, it’s also fine. Perhaps spending some time at the end of the day, if the mode persists for long enough, to do an Emotion Dump and get all the things that might be adding to this state out and addressing each.
Siege Mode
This mode is to generally be avoided, at least at the scale I’ve experienced it in as it is extremely unsustainable and accrues mental damage and scars.
Inert Mode
This is a particularly tricky one. It’s similar to the extreme version of Drift Mode except that here there’s an active force pushing me towards inactivity, namely the bad emotional state.
Aside from the tips above and below, doing some Emotional Dumping is probably particularly useful here, since this often also creates new ideas for what to do, as well as some drive to do them, which in turn gives direction and reduces Void Time, thereby getting me out of Inert Mode.
The extreme version of this is fortunately rare but extra difficult since it also wants to avoid state change. From previous ponderings I’ve come to the conclusion that doing things that slightly chip away at it are much more possible, so rather than doing smth that would force an immediate state change, doing things that slowly improve the state are more possible.
Things like making sure I’m at least well hydrated (which also forces some activity by having to go to the toilet frequently) and have decent meals is a good start. Beyond that, finding anything that I even have the slightest passion for is good. Doing anything that isn’t just done purely for distraction but for enjoyment helps climbing back up that hill.
Conclusions
Having a good balance of Current and Drift Mode, i.e. going down the rapids but also occasionally catching some breath and having time to re-evaluate, is good.
At the moment, I want this balance to be struck heavily on the Current side. To move more into that direction, being mindful of Void Time and making sure it’s not getting too large is important.
Reducing uncertainties and planning things that can be opted out of again during unclear waiting periods should reduce the time I’m just adrift.
During Bad Weathers making use of Emotional Dumping, following even faint desires and slowly hill-climbing back to clearer skies is important.
Related
- A long, lost Easter weekend
- Obsession (Another but more temporary mode)
- To desire or not to desire
Banners were adapted based on images by clair, Inotdollys, what_up_skiis, and tamara61
Footnotes
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as in doing things I don’t consider productive at all; as opposed to productive procrastination which would be working on a different project which I also find valuable but just lacks the aversiveness the current thing has (which ideally should get resolved, but to some extend productive procrastination is good and useful as it shakes things up, provides motivation for things, whilst not being destructive) ↩
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which sounds good, but somehow is aversive and highly undesirable in this state ↩
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e.g. getting motivated by the other person doing cool things; body doubling and seeing someone else work; having a social desire of having cool things to show for; discussing projects and getting excitement, ideas, etc. ↩
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which both creates more time constraints throughout the day, which shifts me more into Current Mode, as well as is a high-value thing to work towards. ↩
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having “work on X” in my calendar feels less arbitrary (even when the rest of the day is empty) since in this case I’m contractually obligated to work in that time and cannot just put it off until later ↩
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just having thought about this a bit more: yes, this is totally a big lever: there’s too many things I can be excited about, but during Drift Mode they are not as present in my mind, in part bc the mode pushes me towards distraction. ↩